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On Turning Trust Into Money…..

I just read this fantastic blog post by Cherie Roe Dirksen (and watched the video from Amanda Palmer within it):

This was on the heels of watching Chad Calek’s Blood Red Sky last night (which everybody should see–trust me on this):

I have issues with trust. There, I said it, up front, and for all the world to see.  Why do I have issues with trust?  I come from a great family, full of people who have been there for me through thick and thin; people who have literally carried me when I couldn’t walk.  I have great friends–friends who have been there for me, through thick and thin; people who have allowed me to come into their homes and their lives and turn them upside down, but with fantastic results after the initial topsy turvy, for me and for them.  So why do I, of all people, have trust issues?

Because, unfortunately, that’s not the full picture of my life.

I went to school in a town where some of my very best friends–in fact, most of my very best friends–totally turned their backs on me, betrayed me, and did despicable things to me when I was homebound for developing psoriasis at the ripe young age of 16.  Prior to that, I was labelled a witch by some boys in my class, and they honestly threatened to burn me at the stake–that was the year before the psoriasis happened.  And that was because they heard about me doing “spellwork” and reading Tarot–from some of my very best friends (or, so I thought), who I had asked not to tell anyone that I was into that sort of thing in our largely Southern Baptist town.

Post psoriasis, my mother was told by the minister of our church that either she or I must have “done something horrible”, to warrant the Good Lord striking me with such an illness (because psoriasis was often misrepresented as leprosy in the Bible, in case y’all didn’t know that going in….).  In college, the wife of our college pastor (at a Presbyterian college, no less) told me the same thing–that my outward disease was a sign of my inner sin.  She later went on to divorce said pastor, who we asked to officiate at our wedding, because he always seemed like an incredible man–he declined to officiate at the last minute because he felt our planned service was too pagan: because I wanted to include a tradition from my husband’s Cherokee heritage in the service, the wrapping of the bride and groom in a blanket by the matriarch of the family, my Mema.

I have a history of befriending the wrong people, who then cut my heart out, stomp on it a few times, and walk away. (Luckily, I also have a history of befriending a few of the right people–and you all know precisely who you are! )

Don’t even get me started on my Father…or my Grandfather….

So, a couple years ago, I took the plunge and actually self-published two of my written works.  I put my “babies” out there, and I trusted the Universe; I trusted discerning readers; I trusted my family and friends to at least purchase a copy.  Around the same time, I set up a Facebook Page on my original account, advertising not only my books, but also my art (then available solely at Cafepress), and I likewise trusted the Universe, the discerning customer, and, again my family and friends to share, like, and get me out there, by hook or by crook, that I might start to earn a living off of my art as well.  So, want to know how many books I’ve sold in two years, trusting to all of that? Precisely TWELVE.  Want to know how many sales, shares, likes and everything else I’ve gotten for my artwork, trusting to all of that?  Quite a few–the vast majority from the same TWO PEOPLE (thank you, Sharon and Suzanne!).

I decided last spring to start fresh with a new “marketing campaign”–I set up this blog, and I set up a new FB profile and page, and I dusted myself off, and tried to start trusting AGAIN.  When I first decided to do all of that, a very wise New Englander suggested that I put “more of myself” into my marketing–into this blog, and into FB and Twitter, and everywhere else that I’m presently networking. I scoffed at that notion: how in the world could I possibly TRUST enough to do THAT, after all I’ve been through, in life, and in my business thus far?  So, for the past year, I have NOT done that.  I’m doing it now.  Let’s see what happens….

In the aforementioned film, Chad Calek performs an experiment wherein he attempts to prove that the microcosm (the individual mind) can potentially affect the macrocosm (the condition of what’s going on in the world–in the case of the film, the fears of catastrophe leading up to December 21, 2012).  He wonders whether if we all would just “stay positive”, we might actually see an end to cataclysmic changes in the environment, etc.  Waking up this morning and reading the aforementioned article by Ms. Dirksen just confirmed in my own mind that I’m on the right track when I’ve decided to test this hypothesis myself, with my business–with the most precious thing I have to offer the world right now, which is a peek into my soul, via writing and art.

When I set up the previous FB Page, I spent a ridiculous amount of time looking at how many likes I had, versus how many shares I was actually getting; at how many people had liked the page, versus how many people had actually shared the page or the posts from my page, and/or  purchased either my book, or my art, or both (and to those who did, thank you for keeping me from having a complete nervous breakdown).  In the end, the pain I felt wasn’t in my pocketbook (although, yeah, that, too)–it was in my heart.  I felt betrayed; I felt like I didn’t matter to these people who had always said, to anyone who would listen, that I mattered to them.  The near-nervous breakdown that sparked is precisely why I have the new page (  It reached a point that for my own mental welfare, I honestly could not even visit the other one anymore.

But the film last night and the article this morning raise the questions: What if, instead of focusing on all of the bad that was going on in that situation, I had instead concentrated on those few people who were doing good at that time in my life?  What if, instead of focusing on the fact that I am desperate at this point in my life to make a living (no kidding), I instead focus on what I do have, and trust you guys, and the universe, to pull me through?  What if I actually got over my trust issues, and, like the overplayed Disney song advises, Let It Go?

So, over the next few weeks, I’m going to be trying some new and different things. I’m going to make some freebies available on my website (, and trust that folks who find and enjoy them will come back to maybe purchase something down the road.  (I may even figure out how to create the magical “donate” button!)  I’m going to keep posting blog entries, and trust that folks will enjoy reading enough to like, share, get me out there, and maybe even comment to the blog itself–and maybe, in the process, find some art they just can’t live without.  And I am going to pour my blood, sweat, and tears into my art as I always have, and into this blog, as I should have done all along.  In short, I am going to change the way I do business; the way I present myself to the world–and we’ll see what happens next. I’ll keep y’all posted…..



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Everything’s Coming Up Hira…..

I saw Star Wars for the first time in the secondary release (July 1978) because I was only five years old in 1977, and when it was first released in May of that year, I was afraid of the monsters in the cantina.  Little did I know, at that ripe young age, that I would spend five years of my life (from 2006  until 2011) dancing in cantinas across the galaxy at Star Wars Galaxies–as an alien.  Yes, between the ages of 34 and 39, I lived a large portion of my life as a Twi’lek. And I loved every single second of it!

Hiraani Luna (aka Hiraanil’una) was the third cousin of Bib Fortuna (aka Bibfort’una, prior to his exile from Twi’lek society)–a tiny little Tyrian, known to her friends and beloved (Ka’re) as Little Lav (or Lil Lav, depending on how much they wanted to type).  She started out as many cantina dancers do–figuring out how to afford her first revealing fleshwrap, and wishing it was available on the bazaar in some color other than yellow.  I quickly made friends, some of whom got me involved me in some of the best roleplay storylines I’ve ever experienced, and some of whom proved to be the ultimate drama llamas.  By the time the game closed in 2011, she had run the gamut from being the ultimate “cantina slut”, to serving as a priestess in the Temple of Kikka’lekki (yes, I’m still working on a book of Twi’lek religious poetry at the time of this posting), and finally as the matron caring for a gang of orphaned wooklings.  She was a tiny little powder-keg of sensuality, but at the same time she was as intelligent and talented as her player and creator, and she seemed to attract attention and ridiculous popularity–both wanted and unwanted–wherever she went.  Three years after the closing of SWG, I still miss her.

And that missing her has led me to create a series of Star Wars-inspired images for my shop at Red Bubble (, starting with a 1940’s style pin-up of Hira herself, posing with an X-Wing.  Hira wasn’t a very accomplished pilot, but probably neither were any of those ladies who posed with airplanes in the 1940s.  (She was a little badass as a gunner, however, just for the record!)

So, I’m presently going through a “Star Wars phase”, again.  I don’t think I’ll ever outgrow my fascination with George Lucas’ space saga (heck, I even liked Revenge of the Sith; we won’t discuss the rest of the prequel trilogy).  I don’t think there’s anything they could do in the upcoming Episode VII that could disenchant me to the point that I throw in the towel on Star Wars (okay, maybe if they leave out Mara Jade I might pitch a minor hissy fit inside the theater….).  If the decision by Lucasarts to literally destroy my world when they closed SWG didn’t take away the enchantment, nothing ever will….



X-Wing Pinup--Tyrian Twi'lek


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698 Comments–All SPAM!

I used to be this sweet, polite little Southern girl, who only used profanity in certain circles and tried desperately never to “raise anyone’s dander”. Well, that ends TODAY!

I’ve moved north for the most part–to Massachusetts, which I love–and it’s damn time I started acting like a Yankee!

Today, after several months’ hiatus, I logged in here to my blog in the hopes of finding that SOMEONE SOMEWHERE had noticed my work, and perhaps was following me, and might be sharing my information with others–you know, HELPING MY BUSINESS! Instead,  I found 698 comments–ALL SPAM!

I’m sorry–I am not here to sell your black market Nike Air Jordan tennis shoes, and I’m not here to buy your damn diet pills, and I sure as hell don’t need Viagra!  I’m here to hopefully start MAKING MY OWN LIVING selling my artwork and my writing!  If y’all thought my site was so great that you wished there was a donate button (oh you horrid food processor people!), or if you really thought my site was so freakin’ amazing (Viagra folks), or if you really wanted to help me get more hits on my site (you people calling yourselves Amanda and Donna and whoever else trying to get me to click through to your site for dollars), then why didn’t you do something WORTHWHILE while you were here, instead of giving me one more damned comment to REPORT (oh yeah, I reported all 698 of them, you bet your ass I did!) and delete?

And you horrid black market shoe sales-people who left this little gem: “What if you watched your mother die one of the most horrible deaths imaginable, cowering in pain without a moment’s rest?” should be ASHAMED of yourselves!

Someone actually left only the words “the alligators numb”, and all I could think of was that part in Mrs. Doubtfire with Robin Williams where he calls his wife, pretending to be someone applying for her nannying position, and keeps saying over and over again “I am Job. I am Job.”

Allegedly, both the restaurant tables people and the slimming pills people have bookmarked my site so that they might visit again in future–oh joy! I’m so excited I could honestly pee my chair…..*sigh*

And to all of those people who left this:

“Does your site have a contact page? I seem to be having trouble finding it Does your site have a contact page? I’m having trouble locating it but, I’d like to shoot you an e-mail. I’ve got some suggestions for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great website and I look forward to seeing it develop over time.”

Oh, diet pill people, and Viagra people, and food processor people–I don’t want to shoot you an e-mail; I just want to SHOOT—um, nevermind…

Apparently, if we would all like our blogs to get millions of hits, we should simply state blah blah blah Michael Kors blah blah blah Michael Kors blah blah blah Michael Kors, so, there, I have done so, and let us hope that makes me more successful!


And to any sincere comments which I might have missed as I marked and deleted those twenty-plus pages: My apologies to you, if you’re out there.  I have now installed new plug-ins to more effectively combat spam, and promise that this will not happen again in future.

I desperately want to make art and make a living at doing so, but I would NEVER stoop to the level of terrorist posts–because, let’s face it, that’s what spam is; it is, pure and simply, little text bombs that completely ruin SOMEBODY’S day. Today, it happened to be MINE!