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Four Easy (Not Really) Lessons

I’ve officially been on sabbatical for two weeks (out of the eight weeks I’m taking), and I can already tell you that time off, while extremely important for self care (and for getting things done, like packing up this house and moving our home elsewhere), is also a valuable learning tool.  What could one possibly learn from an unpaid vacation?  Read on, Dear Friend….

Lesson #1: Prioritize Your Priorities

The primary purpose of this sabbatical is to pack, move, and then unpack and settle in.  So what does one do when one is not actively engaged in packing, moving, or unpacking? Those first few days of my “time off”, I had zero clue what to do with myself!  I even went so far as to look at sites on what to do when one retires, all of which had three things in common:

  • They all suggested taking up a hobby.
  • They all suggested taking up a sport.
  • They all suggested getting a part-time job.

Which left me wondering: if you’re so bored now that you’ve retired that you need to develop a hobby, take up a sport, and gain a part-time job, then why the hell did you retire in the first place?  This got me thinking a lot about my own priorities, and about priorities in general.  

Most people have a list somewhere in the back of their brain (or, perhaps, if they’re lucky, in the front of their brain) of the things that are the most important in their life.  Now, these may be things that are truly important–things without which life becomes bland and/or unlivable–or these may be things that are peripherally important–things that are necessary to facilitate the truly important things.  My experience of abject boredom during that first week of my sabbatical made me take a long, hard look at my own priorities, and sort through and differentiate the truly important from the peripherally important.

So what is truly important?  In the interest of not boring you to tears with the details of “my little life”, let’s answer that question in an “across the board” fashion:

  • Peace
  • Love
  • Happiness/Fulfillment

Yes, I know that might sound trite, but I have found it to be an ultimate truth.  The hippies in the 1960s got it right: so long as you have peace in your life (a life free of drama llamas, including yourself!), love in your life (whether from a beloved, or from family and friends), and you are happy and fulfilled (able to do things that make you smile and laugh, as well as feed your passions), pretty much anything could happen in “your little life”, and you’d still come out relatively unscathed on the other side of whatever happened!

Boredom, at its deepest core, is a feeling of emptiness: it’s that thing we feel when we’ve lost sight of our priorities, and forget for a moment to simply enjoy the peacefeel the love, and focus on happiness/fulfillment.

Lesson #2: Plenty Is As Plenty Does

We live in a society where the word plenty somehow automatically equates in our minds with monetary wealth, but when it’s all said and done, ultimately, money is one of those priorities which is peripherally important.  Money is a thing which may help facilitate those three things that are truly important, but it doesn’t lie at the core of any of them.  Plenty, on the other hand, often does.

Plenty is actually defined as “a large or sufficient amount or quantity; more than enough”.  

I ached over the need to take this sabbatical, because I was afraid it would interfere with my previous definition of plenty: i.e., plenty of money to pay my bills, help out around the house, and purchase the furniture and things we’re going to need in our new home.  What I have found over the course of the past two weeks is that I have exactly the same amount of that particular definition of plenty, whether I’m working my tail off every day or not.  Meanwhile, when I’m not working my tail off, the really important plenty has increased three-fold: I may not have plenty of money, but I do have plenty of peacelove, and happiness/fulfillment!

The bottom line is: plenty is as plenty does.  When you sit around focusing on money as the definition of plenty, all you ultimately wind up with is realizing precisely how poor, financially, you actually are.  In the process, you also end up killing peacepushing away love, and feeling sad/unfulfilled.  However, when you focus on the really important plenty, you find yourself doing plenty:  enjoying peace breeds more peace; recognizing love breeds more love; focusing on happiness/fulfillment breeds more happiness/fulfillment!

Lesson #3:  Don’t Complain, Explain.

To complain is to explore a situation by focusing on the most dissatisfying or annoying parts of that situation, whereas to explain is to explore that same situation by focusing on the most relevant and meaningful parts of it.  Complaining shatters peace (it is the ultimate drama llama bait!), annoys love (it pushes people away), and denies happiness/fulfillment. On the other hand, explaining can actually bring about peace, foster love (as it encourages people to listen and then attempt to meet genuine needs), and lead to happiness/fulfillment.

The entire process of selling a house, packing your belongings, finding a new home, and then moving your stuff and unpacking it into said new home sucks.  I’m not talking a little amount of suckage, like “wow, rainy days really suck”, I’m talking major, industrial vacuum cleaner level suckage, like “you stubbed your toe on the couch so hard you’re now bleeding? Man, that sucks!”  The whole thing is a bigtime complain vs. explain opportunity.

I’m not gonna lie: I spent most of the period just prior to taking this sabbatical complaining.  I complained about the lack of sleep I was getting, due to early call-times by our real estate agent for showings, as well as other issues.  I complained about the size of the yard at every home we looked at.  I complained about having to put my much-loved stuff in storage.  I complained about having to take the cat out of the house in ninety degree heat on short notice.  I complained about how the entire business of having to keep the house spotless for showings while also having to pack impacted my work schedule. I complained, and complained, and complained.  Consequently, there wasn’t a moment of peace to be had: I officially became a drama llama.  I drove my Beloved bugnuts, which had some serious ramifications in the love department.  I was constantly unhappy and unfulfilled, and pretty much on a mission to get everybody else on the unhappy/unfulfilled bandwagon.

And then something wonderful happened: I stopped complaining and started explaining.  I’m still not getting enough rest, but in two more weeks, we’ll be in our new home, and I can sleep whenever I please (between unpacking and homemaking, of course).  The yard at the new house isn’t exactly huge, but you know what? It has an actual tree, and less yard just means less to mow!  I am presently staring at blank walls and mountains of boxes, true, but all the stuff that’s already in storage is probably safer for the move than the stuff presently sitting in boxes in my office, so now I wish I had packed it all from the get-go! We may have had to take the cat out of the house on short notice, but guess what? We made new friends!  Finally, in keeping the house spotless for showings, I discovered there are more fulfilling forms of work than my work-work: making Suzanne smile is the most rewarding thing in my corner of the universe!  Guess what? Now I have peace, and I realize just how deeply I’m surrounded by love, and I’m as happy and fulfilled as the loudly purring cat who is presently asleep in my lap!

Lesson #4:  Your Stuff Should Tell A Story

I’ve spent a lot of time over the past two weeks (and the months prior) deciding which things to throw away, and which things to actually wrap lovingly in bubble wrap and put in boxes.  As a borderline hoarder (who is in love with a chronic purger), that has been a really tough process for me.  As an artist, I have a desperate need to be surrounded by pretty things. That has made putting things in boxes very tough.  I also tend to attach memories to things (more on that in a moment), so throwing things out is very hard for me.  As the boxes have mounted to fill our entire storage space, and now my office as well, I find myself wishing I had learned the previous three lessons sooner than now….

Because if I had, I would’ve realized: your stuff should tell your story.  If it doesn’t actively tell your story, or if it doesn’t help you tell that story, then you don’t actually need it in your life.  When I say it should tell your story, I don’t just mean that your stuff should somehow be symbolic of your actual autobiography. What I mean is way deeper than that: it should tell the story of what you wish and want your life to be.  It should represent a deep expression of those truly important priorities we talked about in lesson onepeacelove, and happiness/fulfillment.

This theory came into play a lot when I was cleaning out my desk.  Obviously, my desk is where I do all of my day-to-day work for Iaconagraphy.  It is also where I keep all of my important documents (like Michelle’s birth certificate), my myriad notebooks for online gaming, and all of my snack food.  Betwixt and between all of that, there are also a thousand dead lighters, a vast collection of character-shaped erasers, and various other flotsam and jetsam from my life (such as saved movie tickets and things “I might scrap one day”).  In short, apart from those important documents, there was a lot of crap in my desk!  There were legit six boxes of cookies in my snack drawer!  Six boxes!  

As I was going through all of that stuff, it occurred to me that the vast majority of it was autobiographical, but patently did not tell the story that I want or wish to tell.  It was autobiographical in that yes, I really like cookies, I smoke a lot (I have to, to maintain the necessary intake of coal tar to keep our disabling psoriasis on at least an even keel), I like quirky things, and I really enjoy scrapbooking.  But the story that all that stuff told was not the story I want or wish for: instead, it was a story of getting fat, being annoyed (because there are few things more annoying in life than a dead lighter), putting my own quirkiness in a drawer or on a shelf, and never having time to do the things I really enjoy.  So the cookies went to that great cookie graveyard in the sky, and the lighters joined them in the trash bag.  I kept the erasers as a reminder to stop putting those quirky parts of me in a drawer or on a shelf, and I resolved to actually scrap the things “I might scrap one day” as soon as we’re settled in our new home.

Everything I pack now is weighed against the question: does this tell my story as I wish or want my life to be?  I have a feeling this new lease on life is going to lead to a lot of throwing things away during my unpacking process!

So what dowish or want my life to be? What’s my story?  Once upon a time, there was a guy who had to die to learn how to live.  He loved the ocean, he loved a beautiful, brilliant woman (who loved him in return), and he also had the love of good friends and extended family.  And one day, he realized the ocean wasn’t someplace you go; it’s a feeling.  So he decided to surround himself, and the beautiful, brilliant woman he loved, with that feeling every day.  He realized the call of the gulls as you lie on the beach is really friends talking to friends, so he decided to be a seagull, and finally embraced his wings.  He discovered that cleaning and homemaking and creating beauty all around him gave him the peace he craved, so he decided to do those things all the time, instead of the things he had been doing, which made him perpetually cranky and constantly reminded him that he was financially poor, making him very, very sad.  He finally understood just how loved he was, and he basked in that, the way sunbathers bask in the sun.  And the dead man who learned how to live and his beautiful, brilliant woman, and his good friends and extended family lived happily ever after, and they were all fulfilled.

What’s your story?

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At Your Service: What “Work-At-Home” Really Means

Whether you’re a work-at-home Tarot Reader/Writer/Artist (like me), or a work-at-home (or from-home) yoga instructor, or a work-at-home whatever, you’ve probably found that people don’t seem to have a real grasp of what that term really means.

Most people think a little something like this:  So, that means you roll out of bed at whatever time you want to, I mean, you can sleep in, right? That’s gotta be pretty fantastic! And you can work in your pajamas, which has really gotta rock!  You can set your own schedule, and not even have one if you don’t want to, and you have all the time in the world in between whatever it is you do to just goof-off and play video games, or to do chores around the house–you can put your job on hold, and just do other stuff, because you don’t have a boss breathing down your neck.

Of course, you also encounter these people: No wonder you’re dirt-ass-poor; get a real job!

None of that is what work-at-home or work-from-home actually means!  If you’re operating without a schedule, just rolling out of bed anytime you feel like it, and doing your work “a bit along, as you feel like it”, then you’re not working from home!  Sure, you’re working, occasionally, but you are in no way, shape, or form actually treating this like an actual job, and if you’re behaving that way, it’s really no wonder that you’re dirt-ass-poor, because no work equals no pay!

Every day I get out of bed at 8:30, 9AM at the absolute latest. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and sometimes Fridays, I have the period from 9AM to 12PM to work completely uninterrupted. I take lunch from Noon to 1PM, and then I have another period of uninterrupted time from 1PM til 4:30PM.  At 4:30PM, everyone else comes home, and the house comes alive; then it’s time for Family.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have a second uninterrupted period of time from 8:30PM to 10PM.  Overall, I average a 33 hour work week.  Whatever I do not get accomplished during those uninterrupted periods of time does not get done, and when things don’t get done, I don’t get paid.  Simple as that.  Not doing my job will result in not getting paid, just like anybody else out there in the workaday world.

Those uninterrupted periods of time when I can easily do my job are not opportunities for me to “squeeze in” chores or video games or anything else other than my job. I mean, you wouldn’t do that at your office, would you? You couldn’t say “hey, pause a sec, I absolutely must vacuum that cubicle over there right now“, could you?  Are there things that I need to do around the house? You betcha! But those get scheduled in as well: into my lunch hour, and into my long workdays on Tuesday and Thursday.

I do have a boss constantly breathing down my neck: her name is Michelle Iacona. I am my boss.  And I’m a bit of a slave-driver!

So, what does my job consist of? I try to spend at least two full days a week writing new material for sale and/or laying out my latest e-book (usually Mondays and Thursdays, and sometimes during that uninterrupted timeslot on Tuesday).  Every day, I constantly check my inbox for incoming Tarot and Oracle Reading requests.  Tuesdays are blog day, during which I write all of my blogs for the week (Wednesday, Friday, and the following Monday).  Wednesdays start with prayer (yes, I actually schedule that in!), and then the focus turns primarily to marketing (because if you don’t market regularly, you’re screwed).  Fridays are not set in stone–I still check constantly for incoming reading requests, but I may or may not actually work, depending on the activities of my two kids.

Once a month, usually on a Wednesday, I have a CEO Day (a wonderful idea I got from Biddy Tarot).  CEO Day consists of looking at my social media, and seeing which posts are receiving the most/the least traffic, so that I can figure out what is and is not working for my business.  I also look at sales, and see what is and isn’t selling.  This is a great way of figuring out what is and isn’t working for me, so I can spend more time on the things that are, and less time on those that aren’t (or drop those things from my schedule altogether).  My time is what’s for sale, ultimately, so making the most of that time by knowing what is and isn’t working is crucial.

Since I have enforced an actual schedule for my work-at-home job, I have found that not only do other people respect my job–and actually see it as a job–but I’ve found that I’ve developed more self-respect, too.  You aren’t ever going to get anywhere in this world without self-respect! Nobody wants to buy anything from someone who is not self-confident, and if you don’t respect you, nobody else will, either!

Work-at-home or work-from-home means precisely that: you are in your home, and you are working.  If you’re not actually doing work during your posted “office hours”, then all those naysayers are right: you should get a real job, because clearly, your work-at-home job isn’t one! That could be why you’re in the midst of a financial crisis right now.  Make a schedule, and stick to it. Post it, for all the world to see.  And then work–work like your life depends on it, just as you would at any other job, because it probably does!

I’m right here, and I’m working for me, in service to you!