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Four Easy (Not Really) Lessons

I’ve officially been on sabbatical for two weeks (out of the eight weeks I’m taking), and I can already tell you that time off, while extremely important for self care (and for getting things done, like packing up this house and moving our home elsewhere), is also a valuable learning tool.  What could one possibly learn from an unpaid vacation?  Read on, Dear Friend….

Lesson #1: Prioritize Your Priorities

The primary purpose of this sabbatical is to pack, move, and then unpack and settle in.  So what does one do when one is not actively engaged in packing, moving, or unpacking? Those first few days of my “time off”, I had zero clue what to do with myself!  I even went so far as to look at sites on what to do when one retires, all of which had three things in common:

  • They all suggested taking up a hobby.
  • They all suggested taking up a sport.
  • They all suggested getting a part-time job.

Which left me wondering: if you’re so bored now that you’ve retired that you need to develop a hobby, take up a sport, and gain a part-time job, then why the hell did you retire in the first place?  This got me thinking a lot about my own priorities, and about priorities in general.  

Most people have a list somewhere in the back of their brain (or, perhaps, if they’re lucky, in the front of their brain) of the things that are the most important in their life.  Now, these may be things that are truly important–things without which life becomes bland and/or unlivable–or these may be things that are peripherally important–things that are necessary to facilitate the truly important things.  My experience of abject boredom during that first week of my sabbatical made me take a long, hard look at my own priorities, and sort through and differentiate the truly important from the peripherally important.

So what is truly important?  In the interest of not boring you to tears with the details of “my little life”, let’s answer that question in an “across the board” fashion:

  • Peace
  • Love
  • Happiness/Fulfillment

Yes, I know that might sound trite, but I have found it to be an ultimate truth.  The hippies in the 1960s got it right: so long as you have peace in your life (a life free of drama llamas, including yourself!), love in your life (whether from a beloved, or from family and friends), and you are happy and fulfilled (able to do things that make you smile and laugh, as well as feed your passions), pretty much anything could happen in “your little life”, and you’d still come out relatively unscathed on the other side of whatever happened!

Boredom, at its deepest core, is a feeling of emptiness: it’s that thing we feel when we’ve lost sight of our priorities, and forget for a moment to simply enjoy the peacefeel the love, and focus on happiness/fulfillment.

Lesson #2: Plenty Is As Plenty Does

We live in a society where the word plenty somehow automatically equates in our minds with monetary wealth, but when it’s all said and done, ultimately, money is one of those priorities which is peripherally important.  Money is a thing which may help facilitate those three things that are truly important, but it doesn’t lie at the core of any of them.  Plenty, on the other hand, often does.

Plenty is actually defined as “a large or sufficient amount or quantity; more than enough”.  

I ached over the need to take this sabbatical, because I was afraid it would interfere with my previous definition of plenty: i.e., plenty of money to pay my bills, help out around the house, and purchase the furniture and things we’re going to need in our new home.  What I have found over the course of the past two weeks is that I have exactly the same amount of that particular definition of plenty, whether I’m working my tail off every day or not.  Meanwhile, when I’m not working my tail off, the really important plenty has increased three-fold: I may not have plenty of money, but I do have plenty of peacelove, and happiness/fulfillment!

The bottom line is: plenty is as plenty does.  When you sit around focusing on money as the definition of plenty, all you ultimately wind up with is realizing precisely how poor, financially, you actually are.  In the process, you also end up killing peacepushing away love, and feeling sad/unfulfilled.  However, when you focus on the really important plenty, you find yourself doing plenty:  enjoying peace breeds more peace; recognizing love breeds more love; focusing on happiness/fulfillment breeds more happiness/fulfillment!

Lesson #3:  Don’t Complain, Explain.

To complain is to explore a situation by focusing on the most dissatisfying or annoying parts of that situation, whereas to explain is to explore that same situation by focusing on the most relevant and meaningful parts of it.  Complaining shatters peace (it is the ultimate drama llama bait!), annoys love (it pushes people away), and denies happiness/fulfillment. On the other hand, explaining can actually bring about peace, foster love (as it encourages people to listen and then attempt to meet genuine needs), and lead to happiness/fulfillment.

The entire process of selling a house, packing your belongings, finding a new home, and then moving your stuff and unpacking it into said new home sucks.  I’m not talking a little amount of suckage, like “wow, rainy days really suck”, I’m talking major, industrial vacuum cleaner level suckage, like “you stubbed your toe on the couch so hard you’re now bleeding? Man, that sucks!”  The whole thing is a bigtime complain vs. explain opportunity.

I’m not gonna lie: I spent most of the period just prior to taking this sabbatical complaining.  I complained about the lack of sleep I was getting, due to early call-times by our real estate agent for showings, as well as other issues.  I complained about the size of the yard at every home we looked at.  I complained about having to put my much-loved stuff in storage.  I complained about having to take the cat out of the house in ninety degree heat on short notice.  I complained about how the entire business of having to keep the house spotless for showings while also having to pack impacted my work schedule. I complained, and complained, and complained.  Consequently, there wasn’t a moment of peace to be had: I officially became a drama llama.  I drove my Beloved bugnuts, which had some serious ramifications in the love department.  I was constantly unhappy and unfulfilled, and pretty much on a mission to get everybody else on the unhappy/unfulfilled bandwagon.

And then something wonderful happened: I stopped complaining and started explaining.  I’m still not getting enough rest, but in two more weeks, we’ll be in our new home, and I can sleep whenever I please (between unpacking and homemaking, of course).  The yard at the new house isn’t exactly huge, but you know what? It has an actual tree, and less yard just means less to mow!  I am presently staring at blank walls and mountains of boxes, true, but all the stuff that’s already in storage is probably safer for the move than the stuff presently sitting in boxes in my office, so now I wish I had packed it all from the get-go! We may have had to take the cat out of the house on short notice, but guess what? We made new friends!  Finally, in keeping the house spotless for showings, I discovered there are more fulfilling forms of work than my work-work: making Suzanne smile is the most rewarding thing in my corner of the universe!  Guess what? Now I have peace, and I realize just how deeply I’m surrounded by love, and I’m as happy and fulfilled as the loudly purring cat who is presently asleep in my lap!

Lesson #4:  Your Stuff Should Tell A Story

I’ve spent a lot of time over the past two weeks (and the months prior) deciding which things to throw away, and which things to actually wrap lovingly in bubble wrap and put in boxes.  As a borderline hoarder (who is in love with a chronic purger), that has been a really tough process for me.  As an artist, I have a desperate need to be surrounded by pretty things. That has made putting things in boxes very tough.  I also tend to attach memories to things (more on that in a moment), so throwing things out is very hard for me.  As the boxes have mounted to fill our entire storage space, and now my office as well, I find myself wishing I had learned the previous three lessons sooner than now….

Because if I had, I would’ve realized: your stuff should tell your story.  If it doesn’t actively tell your story, or if it doesn’t help you tell that story, then you don’t actually need it in your life.  When I say it should tell your story, I don’t just mean that your stuff should somehow be symbolic of your actual autobiography. What I mean is way deeper than that: it should tell the story of what you wish and want your life to be.  It should represent a deep expression of those truly important priorities we talked about in lesson onepeacelove, and happiness/fulfillment.

This theory came into play a lot when I was cleaning out my desk.  Obviously, my desk is where I do all of my day-to-day work for Iaconagraphy.  It is also where I keep all of my important documents (like Michelle’s birth certificate), my myriad notebooks for online gaming, and all of my snack food.  Betwixt and between all of that, there are also a thousand dead lighters, a vast collection of character-shaped erasers, and various other flotsam and jetsam from my life (such as saved movie tickets and things “I might scrap one day”).  In short, apart from those important documents, there was a lot of crap in my desk!  There were legit six boxes of cookies in my snack drawer!  Six boxes!  

As I was going through all of that stuff, it occurred to me that the vast majority of it was autobiographical, but patently did not tell the story that I want or wish to tell.  It was autobiographical in that yes, I really like cookies, I smoke a lot (I have to, to maintain the necessary intake of coal tar to keep our disabling psoriasis on at least an even keel), I like quirky things, and I really enjoy scrapbooking.  But the story that all that stuff told was not the story I want or wish for: instead, it was a story of getting fat, being annoyed (because there are few things more annoying in life than a dead lighter), putting my own quirkiness in a drawer or on a shelf, and never having time to do the things I really enjoy.  So the cookies went to that great cookie graveyard in the sky, and the lighters joined them in the trash bag.  I kept the erasers as a reminder to stop putting those quirky parts of me in a drawer or on a shelf, and I resolved to actually scrap the things “I might scrap one day” as soon as we’re settled in our new home.

Everything I pack now is weighed against the question: does this tell my story as I wish or want my life to be?  I have a feeling this new lease on life is going to lead to a lot of throwing things away during my unpacking process!

So what dowish or want my life to be? What’s my story?  Once upon a time, there was a guy who had to die to learn how to live.  He loved the ocean, he loved a beautiful, brilliant woman (who loved him in return), and he also had the love of good friends and extended family.  And one day, he realized the ocean wasn’t someplace you go; it’s a feeling.  So he decided to surround himself, and the beautiful, brilliant woman he loved, with that feeling every day.  He realized the call of the gulls as you lie on the beach is really friends talking to friends, so he decided to be a seagull, and finally embraced his wings.  He discovered that cleaning and homemaking and creating beauty all around him gave him the peace he craved, so he decided to do those things all the time, instead of the things he had been doing, which made him perpetually cranky and constantly reminded him that he was financially poor, making him very, very sad.  He finally understood just how loved he was, and he basked in that, the way sunbathers bask in the sun.  And the dead man who learned how to live and his beautiful, brilliant woman, and his good friends and extended family lived happily ever after, and they were all fulfilled.

What’s your story?

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The Holiday Disconnect

The holidays are supposed to be a time of peace, love, joy, and hope; a time when we feel perhaps the most connected to all things people and all people and The All (Deity) that we’ll feel all year long, and yet for too many people, they become an opportunity for disconnection.  We get so caught up in holiday shopping and holiday baking and holiday get-togethers that we forget what we’re actually celebrating: holidays is just a contraction for holy days, and we’re meant to keep this time of year holy.  What does it mean for something to be holy?  It means that whatever it is, whether it’s a thing, or an observance (like a ritual), or a time of year, that it is something that deeply promotes that connection between all things, all people, and The All (Deity); that it is something that spreads light, and promotes active compassion.  Yet we all too often, at this time of year, lose ourSelves (and that connection right along with them) in the hustle and bustle of what we think is “celebrating the holidays”.  When all of that stuff makes us switch our focus from the holy to the mundane–things like debt, baking failures, missing the people who are no longer with us to the exclusion of celebrating the people who still very much are–we lose the holy part of holidays, and they just become days!

When we get caught in that trap, we desperately need to reclaim the holy part of the word holidays.  Part of that process is practicing active compassion with ourSelves. In active compassion, we’re supposed to let go of things with loving-kindness: a place of good will, with a strong wish of happiness for our target audience, patience, receptivity, and appreciation.  If you’ve let yourself fall into this trap, it’s time to let go of whatever it is that’s making your holidays days, instead of holy days.  What is preventing your holidays from being holy days this year? I’m talking about things like continually negative patterns of thought, a lack of faith and hope, a tendency to dwell on things and worry.  Now would be a really great time to give yourself the gift of letting those things go!

Often, when we work towards letting go of things in our lives, though, we wind up “beating ourselves up” quite a bit before actually releasing them. That sort of behavior is not actively compassionate!  For active compassion to happen, you need to adopt a stance where you care what happens to your target audience–that would be You, your True Self–and you only want the best for them, but with those sentiments, there is no further attachment: you care enough to want the best, but you can be patient enough to let any negativity involved wash away from you; you care and want the best, but you can also receive and appreciate any lessons which might go along with whatever you’re about to release.

What holiday activities are causing you to feel the most disconnected right now?  If your present focus is on debt, the activity in question might be shopping, or even wrapping gifts.  If you’re missing family members or friends who you have lost over the past year (or even over the past couple of years), family gatherings might be more than a little tough right now.  Whatever activity is making you focus on the opposite of hope, peace, joy, and love right now, you need to delegate authority and get somebody not you to take care of that “holiday chore”, or you need to at least keep that activity to a bare minimum.

What holiday activities are causing you to feel more connected right now?  What’s actually “doing it” for you?  What is making you remember hope, peace, joy, and love, and helping you feel more connected to all things, all people, and The All (Deity) right now?  Maybe it’s just lying on the couch, watching Christmas movies, and listening to your kids giggle and talk upstairs.  Or maybe it’s taking long walks outside in the cold. Whatever it is, you need more of that, and less of whatever you answered for the last question.

What do you have in your life right now, that others might not have? Take a moment to count your blessings.  If you’re finding yourself presently covered in debt from all the gifts you’ve bought so generously for others, consider this: there are some people out there who don’t know where their next meal is coming from, much less frivolous Christmas gifts!  If you’re finding yourself missing people that you’ve lost (family members and friends), consider this: you are surrounded by remaining family members, loved ones, and friends who could just as easily (God/dess forbid!) not be here next year, so celebrate them while you have them! Enjoy every single second! Imbibe moments with those people, so you’ll have those moments to treasure for always!  This may seem like a rather depressing way of addressing this issue at face value, but if you take stock of what you actually do have, I promise you, you’ll find you have way more than you don’t have.

Be actively grateful for what you do have, and rest in the generosity of Original BlessingThe World is an infinitely creative place.  Instead of worrying about how you’re going to accomplish this or that, or wallowing in what you don’t have this holiday season, keep these days holy by resting in faith, and constantly expressing your thank you to the Universe not only for what you’ve already been given, but for what you’ll receive in days to come.  If you want your life to be filled with good things, you have to actually believe those things are out there, just waiting to come to you. That may seem like a tall order, especially if what’s keeping you down is debt.  Trust me, I of all people get it, but as I’ve said numerous times before in this blog, the instant I stopped living in that place of debt, and started living in that place of abundance, my entire life changed, and yours will, too!

Spend time in prayerPrayer may not be something you’ve ever tried, or believed in before, but ultimately, a prayer is simply an offering of energy. In Dragonfly Theology, we talk about magic–you put your energy out there, and the Universe reciprocates. That’s all prayer is; prayer is one of the simplest forms of true magic. Prayer is simply asking; it comes from the Latin root precari-, meaning to beg or entreat. You may not feel terribly comfortable begging for anything, but the truth is, begging isn’t actually required here. True prayer isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. It’s a sign that you know who the heck you are, and you know what you can accomplish if you put that real you out there, and point its energy towards the things that need to be done in the Universe. Prayer can—and should—be about so much more than constantly asking, though. It can—and should—also be about worshiping and showing gratitude. Again: whatever energy you put out there, the Universe reciprocates. So if you’re spending your time saying thank you to the Universe (to The All, or however you identify Deity), you’re going to get a pretty amazing you’re welcome back!

Here, you can use these:

Peace Prayer 1

Yuletime Prayer Card

clothed in connection prayer

If all of that doesn’t “snap you out of it”, and get you back on track with keeping these days holy, instead of “just days”, feel free to contact me (, or purchase yourself the Dragonfly Theology Bundle.  You may also want to “refresh yourself before you wreck your Self” with my Advent Series, here on this blog.  Whatever it takes to get you back to the Light, back to connection, back to hope, peace, joy, and love this holiday season, I hope you will find it, and if I can help you at all, please know that I’ll do my best…..



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In ancient Greek mythology, Muses were usually nymph-like beings with a penchant for the arts (tragic poetry; epic poetry; lyric poetry; dance–you get the picture), but in the life of an artist, muses really do come in all shapes, sizes, and descriptions, from a parent, to a lover, to a best friend, to a pseudo-adopted child.  I started my muse series as a way of honoring the many women in my life (physically, or even peripherally) who have inspired me towards the arts and encouraged me in my endeavors in one way or another.  Thalia: Muse/Fae of Comedy